


3. When You Say Erotic, I Certainly Don't Think Accordion!

by WhatLocked



Series: 50 Reasons [3]
Category: Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: And Potentially Deadly, M/M, New Position, Penetrative Sex, The Erotic Accordion, Which is Uncomfortable
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-05-19 08:25:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5960698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatLocked/pseuds/WhatLocked
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In part 3 of my 50 Reasons, (with the reasons being suggested by my fantastic readers!) Sherlock finds a new position on the internet and want’s to give it a go.  John has doubts, but Sherlock is confident.  After all, he is a genius and has thought this through thoroughly.  What could go wrong?</p>
            </blockquote>





	3. When You Say Erotic, I Certainly Don't Think Accordion!

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, sorry, sorry, sorry for the delay in getting this story up and out there. Unfortunately real life can be demanding in horribly, boring but apparently necessary ways.
> 
> Secondly a big thank you to Cassie J for her suggestion:  
> “Sherlock finds a new position on the Internet and wants to give it a go. John has doubts.”  
> Which was used to inspire this story and hopefully double as a warning to probably not try this unless of course your day job is either Yoga Instructor of Contortionist in the Local Travelling Circus.

~~~~~~~~~~

John looked at the two options in his hands.  Spearmint or Mint?  Green or Blue?  Buying toothpaste just shouldn’t be so bloody hard.  Making up his mind he put the spearmint back on the shelf and threw the mint in the shopping trolley and headed towards the breakfast aisle just as his phone beeped, alerting him to the fact that Sherlock had finally realised that he was no longer in the flat and needed to tell him some random, useless tidbit of information, or to make some ridiculous demand because he was too lazy to actually take the four extra steps it took to get to the kitchen and get his own damn cup of tea.

John pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened up the message which was, of course, from Sherlock.  It said just one word.

**Tonight.  SH**

It was accompanied by a picture file.  With a small level of trepidation John clicked on the attachment and then spent the next fifteen seconds trying to figure out what he was seeing.

 **What exactly am I looking at?** He finally messaged back.  The reply was instant.

**According to Cosmo, it is called the Erotic Accordion.  SH**

**You were reading Cosmo?**

**It was for the case, John! SH**

**Right, we are never taking on sixteen year old girls as clients again.  I don’t care how interesting the case is.**

John put his phone back in his pocket and continued down the cereal aisle deciding on whether he wanted cornflakes or cocoa-pops and definitely _not_ thinking about accordions, erotic or other wise.

Twenty minutes later saw John making his way back up the stairs to 221 B, both hands weighted down with shopping bags a box of cornflakes in one and a box of cocoa-pops in the other, along with mint toothpaste and other essential staples that Sherlock refused to buy.

When he entered the living room he stopped, just for a brief second, not sure what he was seeing.  Sherlock was laying on the couch.  Well, laying was one way of putting it.  The top half of him was flat on the cushions but his legs had been thrown back over his shoulders, his trouser clad arse on display to anyone who walked through the door.  Deciding that he didn’t want to know, John continued into the kitchen to put the groceries away.

“According to Cosmo” came his partners strained voice and John suddenly felt a groan wanting to emerge when he realised that he was still on about the Erotic Accordion.  “This position will kickstart your sense of power and will allow me to display my more submissive side.”

John ignored him in favour of walking to the bathroom to put the toothpaste away.  When he came back out into the living room Sherlock had curled his legs at the knees so he was all tucked up on his back, his arms wrapped around his legs pulling them in tightly.  He sort of reminded John of one of those divers in the Olympic Games, but lying down and not in a speedo.

“And because we will be facing each other” he continued, his voice not as smooth due to his diaphragm being squashed in on itself. “We will both get, and I am quoting Cosmo here, ‘ _a prime panorama of each other's ecstatic expressions._ ’”

“We can do that without all of the callisthenics” John told him flatly and at that Sherlock finally unfolded himself and sat up, giving his head a bit of a shake.

“You were starting to get a bit dizzy, weren’t you” John stated, doing very well not to sound smug.

“Of course not” Sherlock scowled and John had to bite back the grin at how pink his face was looking, probably due to not getting enough oxygen.

“You couldn’t breath properly, your lungs not being able to expand enough, because you had scrunched yourself up.”

“I can assure you, I am having no trouble whatsoever in breathing” and to prove a point Sherlock looked directly at John while taking a deep breath in and then letting it out again.

“Now” John retorted making his way to his chair and sitting down, picking up that mornings newspaper.

“Anyway, as I was saying, before you felt the need to change the subject” and at that Sherlock threw a half hearted glare at John who ignored it over trying to figure out the answer to 4 down on the crossword, “Facing each other will also have the advantage of shallow penetration concentrating pleasure on the supersensitive outer banks of your vagina…”

At that John’s head snapped up and a confused but irritated look was thrown Sherlocks way.   “My what?”

Sherlock just waved his hand as if to brush Johns concern away and continued.  “As well as the nerve-rich head of my hot man meat.”

John couldn’t stop the laughter that burst up from his stomach, even if he had wanted to it just would not have been possible.

“I’m sorry?” he laughed, “Your _what_?”

At this Sherlock rolled his eyes.  “It is another term for penis, John.  I thought you, with all of your useless pop-culture knowledge and what not would have come to that conclusion.”

John continued to chuckle as he gave a brief nod of his head.  “I know what it is, Sherlock.  I just never expected you to use the term.”

“I am just going by what the experts say.”

“Exper….Sherlock, are you listening to yourself?”

“The Carnal Challenge, according to the magazine, is 5 flames - 5 John” Sherlock carried on, ignoring John.  “From what I can gather that is an indication of a rather high level of sexual prowess.”

“No, it is an indication that it should be left to people in their early to mid twenties with no history of physical injury and quite possibly a death wish.”

“I have done the math John.  I am flexible enough to hold the position and you are strong enough to carry out all of the physical aspects of the position.  It will be fine…no, it will be great.”

John looked up at the hopeful look on his partner, his lover, his friend’s face and with a resigned sigh, and already knowing he was going to regret the decision, he nodded his head.  “Fine” he let out slowly and he didn’t have to be looking at Sherlock to know that a grin had broken out over his face.  “Fine, we’ll do the sexy acc…”

“Erotic Accordion” Sherlock corrected getting up and striding past John, an excited vibe evident in his step.

“Where are you going?” John called out behind him as Sherlock disappeared through the kitchen.

“Preparation, John” was all the answer that he got and John found himself starting to regret the decision sooner than he originally thought.

~o~

“Where doing this on the bed” John asked sombrely as he looked at Sherlock, on his back, knees tucked up to his chest, erect penis sticking luridly up between his thighs.  Sherlock was by no means lacking in the length department, but in this position…Shallow penetration indeed.

“Of course John.  Why wouldn’t we do so on the bed?” Sherlock asked, clearly getting impatient.  He had spend the entire afternoon in a state of anticipated bliss and now the moment was finally here he really did just want to get a move on and get on with it.

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because I don’t want to lose my balance on the unstable surface of the mattress and tumble to the floor where I will probably render myself unconscious by hitting my head on the bedside table which will then end up in a very embarrassing trip to the closest A&E where I know most of the staff.”

Sherlock laid his legs out flat and gave John a very sincere look.  “I promise to direct the Ambulance to the second closest hospital.”

With an almost unnoticeable shake of his head and a muttered curse John climbed up onto the bed where Sherlock resumed his position of the bottom half of the _accordion_.  

“Now, all you have to do is straddle my thighs and lower yourself down onto my penis” Sherlock instructed matter-of-factly.  “Then you just bend your knees to move up and down and we then apparently have spectacular orgasms.”

John noticed that Sherlock didn’t sound so strained and could only assume that his ‘ _preparations_ ’ earlier consisted of him sitting for long periods of time folded into this ridiculous position in order to get used to restricted breathing.

John positioned himself so he was kneeling behind Sherlock and held out his hand.  Without a word, Sherlock dropped a bottle of lube into it.  “You are mad, you know that!” John muttered fondly as he stroked Sherlocks erection, coating it in lubrication, before throwing the bottle up onto the pillow by Sherlocks head.  Thanks to a very erotic shower before hand John was already throughly prepared and had almost been disappointed that it had all stopped so suddenly, but Sherlocks excitement over trying something new had been somewhat endearing and John had held back any protestations and followed him out of the bathroom and into the bedroom where he now found himself trying to figure the best way to ‘ _mount_ ’ his partner.

In the end he squatted to the side of Sherlock and threw one leg over his body, as if mounting a horse, and with Sherlock holding his penis in place he slid home which basically resulted in him squatting over the back of Sherlock’s thighs, John’s knees hugging them together with three quarters of a penis buried in his arse.

If the hiss that came out of Sherlocks mouth, as he placed the lower half of his legs on either side of Johns waist, was anything to go by it was doing something for the younger man but John was still feeling skeptical.  

“Move” Sherlock instructed, reaching around and grabbing onto Johns hips.  Holding onto Sherlocks forearms John did just that.  Slowly he pushed up on his legs, Sherlocks length dragging out of him, before lowering himself back down and it was about then that he decided that this may not be so bad after all.  Again he pushed up, thankful that his legs got a regular workout chasing Sherlock all over London, and lowered back down, a small moan issuing from the man below him.  He repeated the action over and over again, slowly picking up speed as he went, the pleasure in his lower abdomen taking away from the burning that was starting in his thighs.  Below him Sherlock was positively writhing, his body pink and sweaty, arching as best he could while holding John’s weight, his breaths coming hard and fast.

“Faster, John” Sherlock panted and that was when things went from good to disaster.

John, unable to say no to anything to Sherlock when it was said all breathy and lust blown as the just uttered command was, tilted forward to gain more purchase and, ignoring the pain that was becoming more intense in his thighs, sped up.  This caused Sherlock to cry out as the pleasure being thrust upon (quite literally) his body increased and his body arched up forcefully, wanting more.  John then actually did as he previously predicted and lost his balance on the unstable, definitely not solid, surface of the mattress.

With a surprised yelp John tilted to the side too fast to be able to stop himself, and in a tangle of sweaty limbs belonging to not only himself but also an equally surprised consulting detective, found himself half on and half off of the bed, his head mere centimetres away from the corner of the bedside table.

Taking in the ridiculous situation John started giggling and once he started, he couldn’t stop.  

Confused and a bit put out that he was not still having rather good, if not as fantastic as Cosmo claimed, sex, Sherlock untangled himself from John’s giggling form and looked down at the man who was still half hanging off of the bed and then he to joined in in the giggling.

“Oh my god” John gasped, his laughter coming under control.  “That was ridiculous.  I mean, absurdly ridiculous. I can’t believe I let you talk me into that.”

Sherlock sat against the bed head, his giggles resolved to the occasional huff of laughter.  “To be honest, it didn’t take much talking.  You agreed in less than twenty minutes.”

With a sigh John pulled himself up from hanging half off of the mattress and sat besides Sherlock.

“So, shall we continue?” Sherlock asked, looking down at John.

The question hadn’t even fully left his mouth before John answered with a “Not a hope in hell” which pulled another chuckle from both of the men on the bed.

“What about the standard, usual, safe missionary position then?” he asked, making an obvious glance down at his still, rather erect penis.

John followed his gaze and anything resembling lust that had fled as he tumbled off of Sherlock flooded right back through his body.

“I think we could handle that” he answered and without a moments hesitation Sherlock had them both laying back on the bed with John on his back, pushing into him with his legs wrapped around Sherlocks waist.   With a deep growl, John reached up and pulled Sherlocks head down bringing their lips together as he pushed his hips up against Sherlocks and Sherlock wasted no time in moving his own hips, sliding out and then back into John as his tongue pushed its way into Johns mouth.  

The room was filled with sounds of hot heavy breaths and moans and whimpers.  As the two men worked together to bring themselves to completion crying out as pleasure wracked through their bodies concluding in a crumpled heap of sweaty, sticky limbs and bodies breathing hard against each other, both completely satisfied from an activity that they had become familiar with, that they knew off by heart.  It was an activity that had brought them closer together in the most pleasurable ways and would continue to do so for many years to come and while they would continue to try new things this would always be one of the things that they would come back to time and time again.

**Author's Note:**

> So, thank you for reading part 3 of this series and remember to leave a suggestion for John and Sherlock do have some hot and steamy sex…or just a quickie in some randomly inappropriate place. Either way, I look forward to hearing your ideas.
> 
> And also, if you want to check out the Erotic Accordion (yes, it is a real thing) you can find it here:  
> http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/positions/a26867/erotic-accordion-sex-position/


End file.
